August. August was the last time I updated my love story! You guys, my bad. I know a lot of you have asked about it, so here we go. I’m continuing it!
I last left you pregnant at Panda Express telling the baby daddy that it was his even after not talking to him in 3 weeks. Get caught up on that here.
We talked about baby names, whether we cared if it was a boy or a girl, laughed at the fact that this was happening and for a small moment in time, things were okay. There weren’t parents to tell, responsibilities to handle or decisions to make. It was just me and him and now the thought of a new little creature entering the picture.
Then reality kicked in. I had to leave at 4:30 am to head to the airport with my entire family to go to Alaska on a cruise. My family is very large and very loving but also very conservative. Having a baby before you’re married isn’t exactly the way they would like their kids to do things. Heck, it wasn’t the way I wanted to do things either, but there I was.
I got up and peed on yet another stick hoping, praying, that this one would tell me otherwise. That this would all become just a really bad dream and it would all go away.
**Hindsight is indeed 20/20 because I wouldn’t change that little man (who is now 9 years old & going into 4th grade!) and the husband I have for anything in the world. Those first months were some of the hardest in my life, but knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t change them for anything.**
Nope. Still pregnant. And they say that your morning pee is the most accurate so I was officially screwed. This was happening and I had idea what to do about it. I wasn’t with DM (the daddy, read here), I wasn’t ready to be a mom, especially a single mom at that, and I had no plans for my future. That’s it… I need a plan! I know, I’ll run away and live on my own until I can figure out what to do about this. Maybe I’ll have the baby and give it up for adoption, then come back. Hmm… that might be hard, but I could do it. That’s it, I’ll run away.
Now, obviously you don’t think very straight in situations like these. Or I didn’t at least. Somehow I had it in my head that I needed run away. That that would solve my problems. I didn’t think it through or talk it through, I just went with it.
That morning, somewhere en route to Alaska with my entire extended family, I just broke down. In the middle of the airport I sat there and cried. I cried about what I was going to do, the situation I got myself into, and the millions of unknowns of my future. Then my cousin walked up.
Tyson, I changed all names in this story until now. Because Tyson was so special. He was just such a special, loving, generous, caring person. He came over to me and sat down next to me and started asking me what went wrong.
Tyson: Nat, (he was the only one that could call me Nat), talk to me! You can talk to me, it can’t be that bad.
Me: It’s bad, Ty. It’s really bad. I can’t tell you.
Tyson: It can’t be that bad, surely. Just tell me, I can help you.
Me: You don’t understand, it’s really big. It’s a big deal, Ty.
Tyson: That’s okay! It can’t be as bad as you’re thinking.
Me: I’m pregnant.
Tyson: …. Yep, that’s big.
Me: Waaaahhhhh!!!! **Bursts into tears** I’m running away. I’m going to leave. I can’t do this. I can’t be here, I can’t have a baby. I’m gonna run away.
Tyson: You’re not going anywhere. You’re fine. This will be hard, but you have a lot of family that loves you. People that will help you. It’ll be hard to tell them and get through this part, but when you do, you’ll be okay. And we’ll all be here for you.
Let me just say, it’s pretty incredible how the Lord works. Tyson was there for me. He was exactly what I needed in this difficult time. I could talk to him and he protected me. He encouraged me to stay without pointing out how ridiculous my plan of running away was. I wasn’t ready to tell my family, especially on this lovely vacation, and he made sure to cover for me all week. He was incredible. Tyson passed away 4 years later and these precious memories I carry with my always.
The week went by fine. I was a mess, but we made it, no one figured it out. With Tyson and his girlfriend by my side, helping me and protecting me from questions like “why I are you drinking decaf coffee?” I did it. However, the fact remained that I still had to tell people. I still had to face the fire.
And that’s what I’ll write about next time. 🙂