Okay, now, if you have read along from the beginning, you have seen what a rocky road me and DM (Delivery Man, for those just joining me – you can read more about that here) had from the very beginning. Nothing was easy for us. Well, maybe that year before we just broke up this last time, but last I left you, we had just broken up and I was dating other people. I would maybe have him do a back story too, like I did before, but I bet it’d be really short and go something like this: “I just wasn’t ready to get married.”
Well, if life was only that simple, right? Like when you were ready to get married, you did. When you wanted kids, you had them. Every big life decision came at a time it should and they were all very easy to make. Sounds about right! Not really. I was ready, he wasn’t. I didn’t want to be messing around, and as much as he didn’t either, getting married freaked him out more. He was brought up in a world where marriages were hard and ugly and they didn’t last. I was brought up where they lasted and they were beautiful and happy (at least from what I saw). This sheds a little more light on our situation, doesn’t it?
Where I left you last time was that I couldn’t take it anymore. He said he wanted to marry me. He said he had a plan. He promised in two years. Well, to me that was an empty promise. I didn’t want to be that girl who kept hanging on to an empty promise. “In another two years, he says” for the 4th time. I’m not sure that would have happened, he swears it wouldn’t have, but I wasn’t going to stick around to find out. So we went our separate ways. We broke up while he was in Europe, so the no-talking deal wasn’t too hard. This was before Facebook so we couldn’t secretly stalk each other. He went to The Bahamas after the season, so it continued to be easy not to talk. Not so easy not to think about him. No guy I went out compared. No one was him. I dated a good guy. He was nice and seemed to fit with my family and all that jazz that makes you think it’s meant to be, but it so wasn’t.
I knew he was coming back from The Bahamas to Cali. I knew he’d be just a half and hour away from me for a couple months. Now is where the challenge kicked it. And you know what happened? Straight out of the airport he calls me. Well, I didn’t have too much will power when it came to this man, I was a sucker for him. He wanted to hang out, so we did. We hung out and we fought about why we went our separate ways. He was mad at me for something I had done (and he had the right to be mad, and no I won’t share it on the blog!) and we just had to fight it out. It was something that I didn’t deserve forgiveness for but just the same way I had a weak spot for him, he had one for me. He couldn’t say no to me or turn completely away from me. So just as much as I was struggling not being with him, he was feeling the same way. I think it’s this little thing called love but at the time I’m not sure either of us really, truly knew what that meant. What it meant to truly love someone.
We went out. It was good. We had a good time. It was a tad awkward but okay. Then another time. But you know that little thing that we struggled with? That little issue about staying pure? Well, that doesn’t just go away and it most certainly isn’t easy to fight. Fight we did, but unsuccessfully. We hung out one last time and then I couldn’t take it anymore. Nothing was going to change, or at least that I saw, so we had to end it. This time for good. And we did.
Time went on, we didn’t talk or communicate in any way. I didn’t know where he was or what he was doing. I couldn’t stop thinking about him though. This really bothered me because most of the time I didn’t let guys get to me like that. At this point I should have known that he wasn’t just any dude, but it was still rough. I just kept praying that the Lord would eventually bring me a good man. If I thought DM was so perfect for me then the Lord must have something even more amazing for me in store. Turns out, he did! And it didn’t happen the way things are “supposed” to happen.
What you’re supposed to do is meet the person, be friends, fall in love, get married and then have babies and stay happily married forever. Well as probably most of you know or have experienced, life doesn’t always go the way it’s “supposed” to. Stuff gets in the way and in our case we happened to be that stuff. About a month after we made the decision not to see each other and we hadn’t talked at all during this time, I was with my friend after work. I casually mentioned that I had missed my period and that was so weird because usually I’m so regular. (TMI? Sorry!)
She talked me into heading to the store to grab a test. I was really only doing this to appease her, I was convinced I wasn’t pregnant. I didn’t feel any different at all and that kind of stuff doesn’t happen to good girls like me! That was saved for irresponsible rebels or something like that. I grabbed the cheapest test I could find which had only one test in the box.
I remember it so clearly. Because I was there taking the test it did actually make me nervous. I started think “well, what if I was??” You have to pee on a stick and let it sit for 3 minutes. You know how long 3 minutes is when you’re waiting for that kind of answer?! LONG. You probably guessed it but…
It was positive.
Wait WHAT? That can’t be right. I started reading the little pamphlet that comes in the box. Top to bottom, back to front, I studied that thing while I sent my friend out to get another test to make sure. Turns out there’s a reason they usually sell two in a box. It also turns out that if the test is positive, it’s a high percentage that it’s correct.
All the thoughts running through my mind. Seriously? Me? This doesn’t happen to people like me, just to people I know of. I’m not ready for this! I had never even thought about being a mom, let alone being pregnant!
While every thought raced through my mind, I knew I had to tell DM. I was leaving the next morning, bright and early for a family cruise to Alaska. I had to tell him before I left. There was a slight issue… I hadn’t talked to DM in 3 weeks. I didn’t know where he was or what he was doing and I was too prideful to just get on the phone and call him up. So I called our mutual friend Rick (you know, the one that tricked me into letting all the basketball players in the house?) and he agreed to help me out.
No answer. He kept trying and finally DM picked up. All Rick had to say was “Natalia wants to talk to you” and DM said he knew what it was. But I needed to tell him in person.
Do you want to know where he was when he got the call? On a date. With another girl.
Yep, that’s right, he was dating other girls and happened to be on one at that very moment. Interesting stuff. He told me that he was getting gas when het got the call, got back in the car and said to the girl “I have a family emergency, I need to take you home” and turned around and took her home.
Needless to say, she wasn’t too pleased about that, but DM didn’t care. And mind you, he did this before he knew what I needed to talk to him about.
It all wasn’t very pleasant at the time, in fact one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through — no wait, the hardest had to be telling my parents. We can look back and laugh (a little) that he was actually on a date with another chick.
We met at a Panda Express (DM’s favorite place) ordered and sat down. Is there a nice way to tell someone you’re not even with that you’re having their baby? Nope, there’s not. So I just spit it out. Much to my surprise, he wasn’t shocked. It was like he expected it. Later he told me that he did, in fact, expect it, because it was the first thing that came to his mind when he first got the call from Rick.
We sat and talked, probably mostly about stupid stuff because I can’t really remember and nothing was solved that night. We didn’t get engaged right then and there, we didn’t have a clue what we’d do, no plans for the future. I left late and got up early to pee on another stick to make sure it was for sure. Yep, it was. No denying it now, and no way to hide it. However, I was not about to ruin a family cruise with that news, so I knew I had to keep it to myself the whole week. It consumed my every thought but I was able to hide it because of course no one expected it.
Until next week!