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My heart is in two countries

You know you travel too much when…

  • You look forward to airline dinners.
  • A 5-hour flight is considered short.
  • When you fly without your kids, it’s a vacation. Even on a red-eye.
  • Your leg workout is squatting in airplane and airport bathrooms.
  • You can take your kid to the bathroom, pee, wash up and change clothes all in a 2′ by 2′ radius.

Train ride to Paris

Yep, this was kinda my life over the last few years. If you’re new here, I used to live in France. We are not currently in France for a number of reasons and I find myself honestly torn.

When I’m in France, I love it, but it’s tough.

It’s tough to speak a language, to try to communicate and maintain relationships in a language, that isn’t your own.

It’s hard to have to make new friends every year. And to be the outsider because I am not as integrated into the culture & lifestyle of other Frenchies.

But then I’m here. I’m here now. Now what? Yep, you guessed it. I miss France.

And for some reason, I find myself wishing I was there. Only remembering the good stuff.

The travels. How our family vacations were to Switzerland or Italy instead of somewhere like San Diego (which it would have been if we had been living in the States).

Speaking French. I know I just mentioned that in the ‘tough’ side of things. But it’s pretty awesome that I can speak another language, as tough as it may be.

Truly experiencing another culture. We get to live in it. We get to experience the two-hour lunch breaks, the laid back lifestyle. The bakeries, the pastries, walking places, taking your time and enjoying life.

The beauty of it all. I am sure we have places in the states that are just gorgeous. But France is amazing. It’s so so pretty. I love the countryside. I love the views. I even love the cities. Don’t even get me started on Paris. One of my favorite cities in the world.

So here I am. ‘Stuck’ in Southern California. I guess it’s a pretty good place to be stuck. I love my family here. They’re amazingly supportive.

It all comes down to knowing & believing that God is in control of my life. I do not and cannot see His plan. It most certainly doesn’t mean it’s not a good plan. It’s just a little tough to follow.

So I’m learning contentment. This is where I am. Whether I like it or not, I am not in France. All my winter clothes are there, I’m just not. I miss it. But I’m here. What is here that I can do? Why am I here? What can I accomplish?

I always feel sorry for people that don’t live in the moment. They are always looking for the next big thing. But this is life, isn’t it? All the little things in between the big things? I don’t want to be that person!

So I’m gonna do it. Work on being content in the moment. Being content for the in-between times. Try to see what the Lord is trying to teach my in my down times.

And then pray I get to go back to France…

🙂

23 Responses to My heart is in two countries

  1. Chrissy October 30, 2012 at 2:45 am #

    AH, you know I totally understand why you are torn between 2 countries. I, too, am torn. It’s always when we look back, that we only see the good that happened. Not the days we were so homesick that it hurt. Not the times we sat crying at home as soon as everyone else had left the house for school or work in the mornings, wishing we were somewhere else. Not the times we went to a party feeling like a total outsider because everyone else knew each other.
    I know how you feel and I am sure you will be exactly where your heart wants to be very soon. Hoping the same for myself.
    Hugs xxx

    • Natalia October 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm #

      yes! If anyone understands, I know it would be you! I bet it was hard. Hard being in America for all those reasons, but I’m sure you miss it now that you’re gone. I mean, neither place is perfect, but each have their things that are great. And it seems that those are the things I think of when I think about being there. But now I need to focus on what’s great here and see where my life takes me. We just aren’t sure yet, so we’ll see!

  2. chrissy October 30, 2012 at 7:42 am #

    are you there with your boys? or solo? is your hubby changing jobs? 

    • Natalia October 30, 2012 at 10:02 pm #

      I am here, in Cali, with my boys, all of them husband included! He had a basketball job but then had to get a shot in his knee and they took another guy. Things are working out slowly, it’s just been a tough, long process. Now my husband is in the works to be a fireman, but that could take a while, so we’ll see!

  3. Kimberly October 30, 2012 at 8:01 am #

    Hi!  I can totally relate to everything you wrote in this post.  We are repatriating back to the U.S. after 3 years in Japan.  Our home in Japan is currently being packed up and I find myself missing it.  Not necessarily the 24 hour travel time, but everything else.  All the fun trips and adventures with my hubby and our 2 kiddos =)  I never thought it would be this hard to move back.  

    • Natalia October 30, 2012 at 9:39 pm #

      Isn’t that the truth? I mean, you think one thing is just gonna be better, but really ‘home is where your heart is’ is so true!! I also totally understand about the travel time. I do it with my boys by myself it’s tough! Good luck!!

  4. MiMi October 30, 2012 at 8:11 am #

    I’ve been meaning to be all nosy and ask you why you aren’t there by now. LOL

    • Natalia October 30, 2012 at 9:38 pm #

      because my life in insane. INSANE. Who knows where we’ll be when. I think I need some kind of award, don’t ya think? 🙂

      • MiMi October 31, 2012 at 11:30 am #

        Yes!! 🙂

  5. Leslie October 30, 2012 at 9:42 am #

    We only visited France for a few days during our Honeymoon, but I agree that it’s a beautiful country!  Best of luck trying to get through this period.  Hopefully you get the chance to enjoy a few small but wonderful moments with family and friends.

    • Natalia October 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm #

      Thank you so much! France is beautiful, isn’t it? I love that country!

  6. Gina_AcuteDesigns October 30, 2012 at 11:04 am #

    I would miss it too.  I always wanted to leave the midwest and now that we live in california, I miss it.  I think that’s natural…but being content on where you are take a little bit of work :).

    • Natalia October 30, 2012 at 9:36 pm #

      I totally agree! I just gotta get through the tough time and I’ll be okay. It’s just such a big world and I want to see it all!!

  7. Megan October 30, 2012 at 10:24 pm #

    Ah, see I’m jealous that you’re in San Diego! I am from there, and miss it terribly, as my husband moved our family to Colorado back in April.
    My heart will FOREVER be in San Diego. 🙂
    Saw you on Tico&Tina’s blog. 🙂 Stopping by to say hi! 
    Megan @ thememoirsofmegan.com

    • Natalia November 4, 2012 at 8:21 pm #

      I am glad you stopped by! Yes, it is hard to be content, but necessary to get by in this life! I hope you start to feel more comfortable in CO! I totally understand how it can be hard!

  8. Jessica November 1, 2012 at 3:29 am #

    Im in France now. Trying to remind myself to enjoy this time and not be so upset when i cant find hot sauce or kool aid at the store! Haha its the little things that make me miss America, but then again like you said I just have to live in the moment and not always be worried about whats next. God is driving so i just need to relax and trust in his path! Great post!! 🙂 

    • Natalia November 4, 2012 at 8:16 pm #

      Isn’t that so true? I mean, of course when I’m there the little things you miss are annoying. But then being here I can clearly see how amazing of an opportunity it was. THen I miss it! So enjoy yourself, live it up for me!! And when you get lonely or sad, just think of me NOT in France, missing it! 🙂

  9. Rebecca @ My Girlish Whims November 1, 2012 at 8:44 am #

    I miss France tooooooooooooooo 🙁

    • Natalia November 4, 2012 at 8:13 pm #

      I knoooooooooowwwww!!

  10. Kelly @ The Houtz House Party November 2, 2012 at 12:30 pm #

    It’s so hard sometimes (ok a lot of the time) isn’t it?  Being content with where we are even if it’s something we’ve said we’ve wanted or whatever.  I know it’s the devil trying to get his claws into us!  BAd guy he is!!!  🙂

    • Natalia November 4, 2012 at 8:17 pm #

      I totally agree!! Whatever is true, whatever is noble… think about such things!!! That’s what I’m trying to remember!

  11. Marine August 23, 2015 at 1:17 pm #

    Hi Natalia.

    Just discovered your blog today. I’m not used to comment on blogs but .. I’m so glad to see such love for my country ! I didn’t have the time to see if since 2012 (well, that’s pretty far away now) you get back to France. But I hope so, because someone who likes it so much deserves it, trully. 🙂

    • Natalia August 30, 2015 at 4:25 pm #

      Thank you! I lived in France on and off since 2007 and we just moved back to the States this June. I absolutely adore France and it still holds my heart!

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